How to Recover from CFS as a Parent: Tips for Managing Recovery and Family Life
Introduction: Navigating Recovery While Caring for a Child
How’s it going, guys? Miguel here from CFS Recovery. In today’s video, I’ll be diving into a unique aspect of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) recovery — what it’s like trying to heal when you’re a parent. I know many of you in this position have shared your experiences, and I want to provide you with some valuable insights on how to balance recovery with the responsibilities of raising a child.
Now, full transparency: I’m not a parent myself. When I was recovering from CFS, it was all about me and my healing. But through working with many parents in the Recovery Jumpstart program, I’ve gathered a lot of feedback on how parents can successfully navigate this process. So, let’s get into it!
The Power of a Support System
When it comes to recovering from CFS, having a supportive partner or family member is absolutely crucial. Without that support system, recovery becomes that much harder, especially for parents.
From what I’ve learned through others in the program, it’s clear that spouses or family members who are on the same page about what CFS is, how it affects your life, and what you need from them during difficult times, make all the difference.
Many parents I’ve spoken to have expressed how difficult it is to recover while being responsible for their children. On top of managing fatigue and brain fog, you’re also trying to care for someone else. That’s a lot to handle.
Leaning on Your Support System
If you’re a parent, especially to younger children, it’s natural to feel guilty when you can’t keep up with the usual responsibilities. Many of the parents I’ve spoken with struggle with guilt because their spouse or partner is doing most of the work. But here’s the thing:
Your support system is there to help you. They want to see you recover, and they want to help carry the load when you’re struggling.
Learning to lean on them — and not feeling guilty for doing so — is one of the most important steps in recovery. If you don’t ask for help when you need it, you’re not going to get better.
The Challenge of Emotional Regulation
When you’re in an adjustment period, small things can feel much more overwhelming than they would otherwise. Let’s say your child spills their juice, or they break something — that’s not normally a big deal. But when you’re in a heightened emotional state from CFS, even small frustrations can feel like a major crisis.
Why does this happen?
It’s because your emotional responses are amplified. When your nervous system is stuck in sympathetic overdrive, your emotions become more intense. The key here is being aware of these heightened emotional states and reminding yourself that it’s not your “normal” reaction.
Take a step back and give yourself some grace. You’re going to have moments of frustration — and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle it.
Being Patient with Yourself (and Others)
When you’re in recovery, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Things will take longer than they did before, and that can feel frustrating, especially when you’re used to being an overachiever. But remember, this recovery journey is about progress, not perfection.
If you can’t do everything you used to, that’s okay. Instead of getting frustrated, focus on the long-term goal: being able to be present and healthy for your child in the future.
It’s hard to watch your child go through life with you feeling “out of the picture.” But by focusing on resting and recharging now, you’ll eventually get to a place where you’re more present than ever before.
The Myth of “Lazy Parenting”
It can feel like you’re being a “lazy parent” when you take breaks or skip out on some activities to rest. But here’s the truth: resting is essential to your recovery. And your child needs you to be healthy, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too.
It’s important to recognize that your child’s needs are not about grand gestures. Sometimes, just being present is enough. Sitting on the couch, watching a movie together, or reading a story before bed is just as meaningful as running around with them in the yard.
Your child may not remember every single adventure or outing, but they will remember how you were there with them. And being there, fully present, means you have to take care of yourself first.
Learning How to Rest Efficiently
I know it’s tempting to use your child’s nap time or downtime to catch up on household tasks. But here’s the problem: if you don’t use this time to truly rest, you won’t recover.
When your child is resting or playing on their own, try to rest your mind and body, not just physically but mentally. If you’re still stressing about tasks, you’re not giving your body the chance to relax and heal.
So, the next time your child is taking a break, instead of catching up on laundry, try to catch up on your own mental peace. Let your nervous system reset, even if it’s just for 10-15 minutes.
Delayed Gratification: Missing Out Now for the Long-Term Goal
As a parent, you likely want to give your children the world. You want to take them on trips, provide every opportunity, and be the active, involved parent. And that’s great! But right now, your priority has to be your health.
Yes, you may miss a few things now. Yes, it stings. But the key is to realize that in sacrificing some activities today, you’ll be able to be fully present for your child later on. Your child’s long-term memories will include all the times you were able to fully engage with them — and that’s what matters.
Subscriber Comment Highlight 💬
“Miguel, gratefulness is an understatement for your guidance and my son’s recovery. At times, the ordeal was so unbearable, but with your help, we see the light again.”
— Lewis, Father of a CFS recovery success story